I look at myself now. I look different. Different from when I stepped into poly for the first time. My nerdy curly hair flat ironed into smooth straightness, the fats which used to be on my face completely gone, clothes got better, more put together
I used to have nerdy curly hair, parted to one side with a puff in front, I wore baggy jeans, and T-shirts which looked liked I bought it from the wet market. I look back now, and I say to myself, big difference.
I used to think noone would ever like me, because of they way I looked, but I've changed and I look like this now, and I still feel the same way, in fact, even worse. I try so hard, and they doesn't even notice me. I'm still alone. Why do I feel even more empty then I ever felt before. I'm just waiting, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet. I've seen them look, but they turn away. That's the most painful part, knowing that I'll never have a chance. So why am I still trying.
I have my friends telling me all the time its not my time yet. They say I'm different. They say the place and time I'm in just doesn't call for it. I'm different, and the place I'm in is narrow-minded. Maybe that's just it. Some people don't want different. Some people are scared to have different. Because of me being different, it brought me through places and experiences which I would have never experienced if I was like any other person on the street. But in this world, being different, can also mean being alone for the rest of your life.
So tell me, amidst all the glitz and glamour, there is still complete emptiness.
I've questioned, and I now have the answer. And it just saddens me, to be born this way, only to face such pain which I can only suffer in silence with.
